Vegan Matadors
How do you deal with bull-headed people?
“It is the certainty that they possess the truth that makes men cruel.” ― Anatole France
We’ve all encountered them.
Bull-headed people convinced that they’re right.
That they know best because they’re ‘the boss’.
Or because they’re ‘the expert’.
Or because – well, just because…
Resolute in their conviction of rightness, they’re ready to ride roughshod over those who get in their way.
So, how do you deal with them?
You have four basic options:
Option 1: Be as stubborn and bull-headed as they are
They’re convinced they’re right; you’re convinced you’re right.
You both build up a head of steam, paw at the ground, emit steam from your nostrils and pile headlong into each other, locking horns and refusing to back down.
Lots of grunting.
Lots of sweat.
Maybe some blood on the floor.
Not much co-creation of new value.
Option 2: Stand your ground and get pummelled
You want to stand your ground but lack the strength to withstand their onslaught.
As a result you get bashed, battered and beaten.
Lots of bellowing and breakage but again, not much co-creation of new value.
And not much fun being the china shop to their bull either…
Option 3: Remove yourself from the situation
You make a graceful exit.
Scarper.
Do a bunk.
Leg it.
Hot foot your way out of there.
Or any other euphemism for ‘run away’ that takes your fancy…
Much value co-creation?
Nope.
Option 4: Be a Vegan Matador
You’ve probably seen matadors in the media – dressed up in a traje de luces (‘suit of lights’), looking like a cross between a blinged-up waiter and the husband figurine from a wedding cake.
But they have an all-important and highly relevant accessory – a red cape. 1
The cape gives the bull something to run at so the matador can deftly step to one side as it attacks, in the kind of move a martial arts fighter uses to sidestep an attacker, so their own momentum carries them beyond strike back range.
You can probably see where I’m going with this…
You of course have your own point of view on the situation that differs from your bull-headed antagonist.
And although your perspective on things is different, in one respect it’s similar: it’s just as incomplete, biased, and one-sided as theirs…
But unlike El Toro, you actually recognise that your perspective is incomplete. 2
Why a vegan matador?
Well, you don’t actually want to kill your opponent.
You just want to sidestep their attacks, allowing them to burn off their bull-headed bluster so they calm down as they gradually see it isn’t achieving anything.
The fact that you don’t attempt to kill them, figuratively or literally, helps build trust so they can calm down and engage in a more productive form of dialogue.
This creates conducive conditions for empathy, mutual understanding, respect, and collaboration that leads to better collective sense making, decision making, and action taking, which leads to the co-creation of much greater new value.
In other words, better outcomes all round.
Mastering Option 4 requires some inner work, including being a vegan matador to some of our own bull-headed tendencies.
But it’s well worth the effort because if you can keep your head while they’re losing theirs, you help them see their own behaviour for what it is, and where the problem resides: in their “I am right” attitude.
If instead you stick the knife in or adopt a self-righteous ‘moral high ground’ position, it encourages them to blame your “I am right” attitude and ignore their own.
You’ve probably encountered people in the past who remained calm, reasonable and didn’t become bull-headed when you got all het up about something.
My most memorable experience of this was in the late 1990’s when I lost my cool with the car park attendant at Heathrow Terminal 3.
The exit barrier had refused to open when I’d taken too long getting there after paying the parking charge.
The attendant explained, in a calm and measured way:
that he empathised with my frustration;
how I’d incurred the extra charge;
why my only real option was to pay it; and
where the nearest payment point was.
I was particularly impressed with how he conducted himself because I’d just landed on an Air India flight from Mumbai, returning from a Peace of Mind retreat, and he was the absolute embodiment of one of it’s core messages… 😐
He remains a powerful reminder that having a red cape in the wardrobe of the intellect isn’t enough.
It takes consistent application in day to day action if it’s to be of much use when interacting with others.
Given how inimical they are to creating future-fit cultures, it’s vital to expunge bull-headed “I am right” attitudes from our selves, in our relationships and throughout our organisations. 3
It’s especially important with key influencers who, due to the systemic effect of their mindsets, attitudes and behaviours on everyone and everything else, possess maximum potential to poison the well. 4
That’s why identifying the genuine key influencers - not always in the most senior positions - and helping them escape the “I am right” trap is the highest leverage place to start. 5
Follow the links in the footnotes below for more practical information, tips and tools to help you grab the bull by the horns whilst simultaneously avoiding the bull…
Strictly speaking, matadors use two capes: the capote de brege - an actual cape, used for the first part of the performance; and the muleta – a red cloth hung from a horizontal stick that the matador holds in one hand, freeing the other up for the nasty sharp pointy thing that does something I won’t mention just in case any actual vegans are reading this. BTW - bulls are apparently colour blind, so the red colour is mostly because it adds to the spectacle.
If you didn’t recognise that your perspective is just a 2D perspective on 3D reality, you’d have chosen one of Options 1-3 instead.
“I am right” attitudes arise when we get trapped in our narrow, biased, incomplete and one-sided ‘2D’ perspectives. Future-fit cultures of innovation and agility are built on the 2D3D Innovative Mindsets described in this 6 minute video.
The pivotal role of key influencers in creating a future-fit culture is explained in this 7 minute video.
Key influencers caught in the kind of Seeing-Being Traps described in this earlier post are the place to focus precisely and deeply for maximum leverage in transformational culture change.